This is my current reality!
So the packers move in today to help with the kitchen and a few cupboards I can’t face. Plus there’s so many bits and pieces that I just don’t know where to put, that I’m relieved to have the lovely ladies come to help finishing everything off. You think you’re organised, until the day before you move and realise how much you actually still have to do. The movers start first thing tomorrow, and then it’s all done. I have packed about 50+ plus boxes myself, but they arrived to see we only had 10 boxes left so I just had to make a mercy dash to Kennards to buy 40 more boxes, paper, tape and the rest!
To be perfectly frank, I am not coping particularly well with this move and the emotional toll it’s taking on me, particularly at this time of the year which I love so much. Moving at any time of year is crap, but a week before Christmas is particularly ordinary. Like there’s not enough to do at the end of the school and work year with Christmas approaching without throwing in a major, life-changing event like moving into the mix. Can’t wait to get my tree up in the new house and put all the trimmings around so the kids can feel it’s Christmassy at home. They are longing for something.
And I am getting myself into a bit of a state about leaving, which isn’t making the process easier. You see I’m rubbish at goodbyes, whether it be people or places. Always have been, can’t do them. I confess to being rather a bit of a sook, which only makes life more difficult and complicated. I get attached and then tend to make myself sad and miserable for weeks leading up to the inevitable event, torturing myself with thoughts like “This will be the last time I buy milk at this shop” or “This will be the last time I drive down this hill to collect Amelia from daycare” or “This will be the last time Charlie wears his school uniform” or “This will be the last time the kids swim in the pool”. It’s agony, but I can’t help it (you see I’m even crying now!). It’s like I enforce appreciation, reflection and misery on myself. But it makes the process a rather exhausting one.
But I can’t be matter of fact or nonchalant about it, particularly with the people and places that have anything to do with the children ie their schools, teachers, kindy, friends, parents, the neighbourhood. And lately it’s been a constant stream of goodbyes and thank yous. I’m exhausted and I’m getting a bit sick of bursting into tears in front of teachers, neighbours, the butcher and 7 year olds. I’m sad about leaving this home and neighbourhood, our lovely friends, the area, the city and everything that goes with our life here and because we are moving to the country and my life will be quite different there, I think I’m sort of mourning the loss of this one in a way. I know it’s only Bowral but it’s not just up the street either.
I don’t think I properly appreciated it when we were living it, and now I’m sad about that too. I know we will have a wonderful life in our new home and community, and in six months time I’ll wonder why I made such a fuss. But while I’m still here amongst all that is familiar, I just think about how much I’m going to miss everything and everyone. My husband says I’m talking myself out of the move and making it difficult for myself, and perhaps that’s true, but moving your family of 5 to a new life is not something that just happens – even if it is only 100km away. I’m grateful for this opportunity, our new house and know once I’m there we’ll all love it, but a family home and the community you become a part of is hard to say goodbye to no matter how long you’ve lived in it.
Then there’s all the I have relationships with people, from our close and dear friends, the lovely mums at school and kindy, or even if it’s just the local baker, Charlie’s swimming teacher or one of Poppy’s teachers. They know my name, I know theirs, we have a history. Helena knows how to comfort Amelia when she cries or what helps her go to sleep. Riccardo knows I have a skim flat with half a sugar! The gardener knows how we like the hedges cut, and the butcher knows what kind of sausages to make for the kids. It’s just all the little daily details that go to make your family life run smoothly that takes a long time to come together. But they are people that have been part of my daily life for three years, who I may only say hello or goodbye to or briefly chat to when I pop into their shop. Or perhaps they have had the most important job of all and helped mind, mould and educate my children, but they form part of the tapestry of my daily life here and provide familiarity, security, comfort and help to just make our family work. And part of my teariness is simply gratitude and gratefulness for all the good people I’ve come to know since we’ve been here.
My God – you’d think we were moving to the moon! Enough Melinda – get a grip! Focus! Wipe your eyes, blow your nose, pick up the tape gun and getting friggin’ packing! At the end of the day all that matters is that my beautiful family is together, that my husband and I are with the three most precious people in the world to us, that we are healthy and happy and that houses, belongings and everything else will come and go, but as long as we have each other, then I’m content and forever blessed, and will make the most of wherever we are, taking my special memories with me. But please come and visit me in Bowral!
So in case I don’t get my computer and internet up and running for a few days this week, I thought I would just say I hope your Christmas preparations are going well, you are enjoying time with family and friends and taking time to be thankful for all that we have. At least my daughter keeps me amused!